How to take care of yourself when caring for a family member Eugene-Springfield, Oregon
In sickness and in health
Eva and Jeff are those rare lovebirds who have been married sixty five years and still show their love and commitment to one another. The test of true love, we know, is not only “in health,” but most especially “in sickness.” Such is the bittersweet story of Eva and Jeff, a loving couple in their early nineties.
As Jeff developed dementia, Eva was committed to caring for him all by herself. She declined any help from their two (very supportive) daughters. “You have your own life,” she told her daughters whenever they offered to help with their dad’s care. “I don’t want you to put your life on hold!”
Statistics show that 27% of those who care for their spouses report being in poor health themselves. These numbers increase when the caregiver is 65 or older. It’s even higher for women and for those caring for a loved one with dementia. Eva ticked all the statistical boxes. As the stress of caring for Jeff increased, she neglected her own health – until she ended up in the hospital with a life-threatening condition.
What’s in your toolbox?
There are many good reasons to care for a loved one at home rather than moving immediately into a senior care community. But if you believe that “there is no place like home”’ and this is where the best care can be provided by loving family members, you must have two important tools in your toolbox:
1. A care plan for your loved one
2. A plan to take care of yourself
Ways you, the caregiver, can take care of yourself
- Don’t be a hero: caregiving is a demanding job that should be divided among several people. If family members are unable to cover all the shifts, hire paid help and closely supervise their work.
- Use an adult daycare: look for adult daycare in your community. It will help you share the burden and will provide meaningful social activities for your loved one.
- Find a support group: depression and anxiety are common among family caregivers. While these conditions can be treated by medications, it’s very important to share the emotional stress with those who are in the same situation as you.
Many family members who are being cared for at home live with dementia.
How to find support:
• Look for a support group through your local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association.
• Explore the option of seeing a therapist to help you develop coping strategies.
• If you are on social media, join the Alzheimer’s Association Facebook group, or other support groups for family member caregivers
A word from our clients:
I found Ronit and her team at A Home to Fit You to be very knowledgeable about the options for senior living and specifically for my mother, who is 90 years old. They took the time to help narrow my choices based on the unique needs my mother had for social activities balanced with the care she needs. I met with Ronit before even thinking about the time I'd need to spend touring the many communities. She helped me save time and avoid sales pitches, which I knew weren't in the best interest of my mother. I would highly recommend their senior living placement services due to their knowledge and unbiased advice. Best yet - their referral is FREE for placement in the communities on my list.
Gwyneth Iredale
- Ask for home health: a nurse, physical therapist, occupational therapist, speech therapist, social worker, and home health aid can all greatly help your loved one. How? They work with them to improve their functional abilities. They can also help you understand their medical issues, teach you how to safely provide physical assistance, advise you on appropriate assistive devices, and provide you with emotional support.
- Ask for hospice (when appropriate): if your loved one is nearing the end of life, a hospice team will provide the necessary medical and emotional support to alleviate your stress.
- Educate yourself: Ask your family doctor to explain which medications need to be taken as well as their side effects. Educate yourself on what to expect regarding your loved one’s specific medical condition.
- Understand dementia: caring for a person with dementia can be very challenging. Learn all you can about dementia. A fantastic source of information is Teepa Snow, a “dementia guru.”
- Take care of yourself: “Put your mask on first”. You cannot properly care for another person when you are physically or emotionally compromised. Get in the habit of regularly doing the things that help you de-stress: read a book, go for a hike, get a massage, watch a movie, eat chocolate, or go out for a fun evening with friends.
- Know your limitations: there may be a point when being the family caregiver simply exceeds your abilities. When this happens, you’ll need to consider moving your loved one into a senior care community.
Your last tool: professional support
Jeff’s daughters were not equipped to provide the 24/7 care he needed while Eva was in the hospital, and so Jeff needed to move to memory care. It was unclear what Eva’s recovery would look like. At this point, the family reached out for our help in finding the right senior care community for Jeff.
It’s the nature of our business that not every story has a happy ending, which was such with Eva and Jeff. It was good that we were able to quickly find good memory care for Jeff, as Eva sadly passed away four days after returning home.
*Use professional support: when searching for a senior care community, it’s a good idea to use the help of a professional. An expert in this field can help, whether you need to find care immediately, like in the case of Eva and Jeff, or whether you’re planning for long-term, There is no reason to go through this last journey by yourself.
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