Loss, Grief, and Emotional Support Eugene-Springfield, Oregon

When we talk about loss and grieving, we tend to think about the death of a loved one: a parent, a spouse, a child, or a close friend. But as we age, we experience many losses. Some are easier to adjust to, while others require major life changes.

Death Is Not The Only Loss

When we talk about loss and grieving, we tend to think about the death of a loved one: a parent, a spouse, a child, or a close friend. But when it comes to the aging population, we see many other kinds of losses that are easy to ignore or dismiss.

“You’re lucky to have your own chauffeur,” you might say to your father after he was forced to give up driving following a small accident (thankfully, no one was hurt).
I don’t know about you, but just the thought of having a day without a car makes me anxious.

“I can’t wait for the day I don’t have to cook anymore,” you may say to your mom, who struggles with cooking because the pot is too heavy or she can’t reach the top cupboard.
Have you ever tried frozen meals from the grocery store? Not quite a gourmet meal…

As we age, we experience many losses. Some are easier to adjust to, while others require major life changes. Some of the more common losses seniors face include:

• Loss of a spouse or friends: As someone nears the end of life, so do the people in their age group.
• Loss of vision: Affects driving, reading, and balance.
• Loss of hearing: Can lead to withdrawal and social isolation.
• Loss of smell and taste: Takes away the enjoyment of food.
• Loss of teeth: Can cause self-consciousness about appearance.
• Loss of physical abilities (balance, strength, mobility): May result in loss of independent living.
• Loss of health: Affects quality of life.
• Loss of cognition: May lead to needing to move into a care community.

A word from our clients:

I found Ronit to be professional and respectful of my family's needs. She has a great way of communicating with humor and kindness. You could witness her knowledge of how difficult it is for an elder to change their lifestyle with the way she interviewed my Mom. I highly recommend this service.

Janet Harris

Cropped shot of a female caregiver comforting a senior woman

Grieving

In the literature, we read about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When an older adult experiences a loss like those mentioned above, they may not go through every stage, or they may not show any signs of grieving at all. But that doesn’t mean they are not grieving.

When Dad has to surrender his driver’s license, he might be in denial (“I’ve driven since I was sixteen!”) or get angry (“You’re not going to tell me what to do!”). Often, we see signs of denial (“I hear just fine, it’s you who mumbles”), but we don’t always see bargaining or anger.

What I see more often is sadness and depression. But even then, families don’t always connect the dots between things like the loss of teeth or poor balance and the feelings of sadness or withdrawal.

Emotional Support

So what can you, the family member, do to support your aging loved one?

Pay attention

Notice any changes in behavior or emotion. Are they more withdrawn, sad, less engaged? Are they avoiding favorite activities or hobbies, eating or sleeping more or less than usual?

Acknowledge

Don’t dismiss, argue, or shame them. Instead, find a quiet moment to begin a conversation:

Start with an observation:
“Mom, I noticed you’ve stopped doing the daily crossword puzzle.”

Depending on her response, you might ask, “Is there a reason?” or say, “I have an idea, can I share it with you?” (Avoid jumping into telling her what she should do.) You could also ask, “Do you have any ideas for a solution?”

And sometimes, the best support is simply acknowledgment:
That must be hard when…
It’s difficult to have a conversation in crowded places.
You can’t enjoy food like you used to.
Your arthritis is keeping you from knitting.

Grief Counseling

We sometimes assume older people don’t need, or won’t benefit from, counseling. But in truth, many older adults do benefit from it. Counseling can improve emotional well-being, coping skills, and overall quality of life. It offers a safe space to process grief, loss, and life transitions, and it can help address loneliness, isolation, and chronic health conditions.

As an advisor, I’ve walked alongside many families during these tender transitions.

You don’t have to face this alone, and if you’re feeling unsure about how to support your loved one, reach out. I’m here to guide you every step of the way.