Love Beyond Memory Eugene-Springfield, Oregon
She never complained to her friends, housewives like herself, (as he never did) that he came home from work, sprawled on the couch, feet on the table, sports newspaper in hand, barking: Bring me a beer.
He always came home with a smile and a kiss.
How was your day? Do you need anything from the grocery store?
At happy hour, over a beer, he never complained to his friends (as she never did) that she wasted his entire paycheck on shoes and matching handbags.
She always managed the household budget carefully, never overspending, and there was always a little left over for a vacation once a year.
She always welcomed his mother warmly, and even after she left, she never spoke badly about her behind her back. She never nagged him that she was fed up with her unbearable mother-in-law, or that she married him, not his mother.
He never compared her to his own mother, not the width of her hips, and certainly not the size of her mouth. He always loved her mother’s cooking, and she cooked just like her.
She never screamed at him that she was exhausted from the children, asking why everything always fell on her, after all, they were his children too.
When he saw her tired and overwhelmed, he took the children to the park and never felt the need to remind her that she “owed” him for it.
She cleaned, cooked, shopped, washed, bathed, baked, scrubbed, changed diapers, tucked in, ironed, read stories, worried, and remembered. She did not complain, accuse, scream, or blame.
He worked hard, gave her his entire paycheck, and trusted her. He did not complain, accuse, scream, or blame.
Well, I’m not entirely sure she never lost her patience, or that she never turned an angry shoulder toward him.
And I don’t know with absolute certainty that he never slammed a door in frustration, and it’s safe to assume that at least once, during their sixty-five years together, he rolled his eyes behind her back.
But I do know, with complete certainty, firsthand, that when she could no longer remember how to dress herself, how to turn off the stove, or when to go to the bathroom, he held her hand with love and walked beside her into the memory care community.
Every single day, Saturdays, holidays, and Christmas Eve included, he showed up in her room with the same loving smile she had known for sixty-five years. He never left her alone until she fell asleep. Sometimes, without her needing to ask, he would slip into bed beside her and curl up with her, just the way she loved.
One day it became clear that he, too, no longer remembered properly. And once again, they are together.
Sometimes she looks at him and asks, Who are you?
Then she remembers, giggles, and holds his hand.
A word from our clients:
I found Ronit and her team at A Home to Fit You to be very knowledgeable about the options for senior living and specifically for my mother, who is 90 years old. They took the time to help narrow my choices based on the unique needs my mother had for social activities balanced with the care she needs. I met with Ronit before even thinking about the time I'd need to spend touring the many communities. She helped me save time and avoid sales pitches, which I knew weren't in the best interest of my mother. I would highly recommend their senior living placement services due to their knowledge and unbiased advice. Best yet - their referral is FREE for placement in the communities on my list.
Gwyneth Iredale
And so, just as you see in this real-life photograph that I took myself, this is how they sit every day, all day long.
I met this couple years ago, when I was working as a home health physical therapist. I would see them during my visits with patients in their memory care community. Each time, it was one of the most tender moments I experienced, and it has stayed with me ever since.
We should celebrate this kind of love, not only on Valentine’s Day, but every day.
The love that remains.
The love that shows up.
The love that stays, even when memories fade.
Loving someone through memory loss can feel overwhelming. If you’d like guidance, clarity, or simply someone who understands, sometimes a conversation with me is all it takes to begin.
